Cold as Ice

Frozen
Full of spoilers, and I don't care. 

The princess, let's call her Ten Inch, for that ten inch waistline, is not the brightest bulb.  She chooses to confront her sister at the coronation in front of a lot of people.  She also wants to marry some guy she just met.  At least the story acknowledges this blunder.

Then there is the newly-crowned queen, let's call her Twelve Inch, for that twelve inch waistline.  Evidently she put on a couple pounds while in hiding.  Never mind that shut-ins are not normally the healthiest looking people.  For whatever reason she goes years without divulging her secret to her sister.  One has to wonder what she is waiting for.  There does not seem to be anyone to confide in, and keeping yourself confined to one room for years is a rather lonely existence.  And then we have the whole young mutant "cannot control my power" aspect that has been done to death in X-Men comics for the last few decades.  I guess it could not be more appropriate that Disney now owns Marvel.

Which brings me to the deceased king and queen.  They are so concerned about the health of their children that they go visit trolls to save their daughter's life.  And yet, they run off on a boat for no apparent good reason, in what amounts to child abandonment.  Even if they were not parents it would seem ludicrous.  In recorded history, kings and queens rarely if ever left their homeland, or even their castle.  There are very good reasons for this.  First, who is left in charge?  In this movie, apparently NO ONE is in charge except for the princesses.  Second, leaving creates a fantastic opportunity for a rival to move in and take over.  Third, how reckless is it to go off in a ship?  In the 21st century it is not even all that safe to vacation on a cruise liner.

The animation is fine.  What it is lacking is a creative spark.  The wow factor is lacking.  Part of the problem is a lack of direction.  Say what you will about Spielberg, but he does know how to ramp up thrilling moments.  Brad Bird is another example.  Frozen inexplicably has two directors, which ironically enough might explain the lack of direction.  Functional, and nothing more.

The story is ordinary.  The usual Disneyfied characters are on display.  They could not come up with enough humor for the main characters, so they added in a wacky snowman.  Great.  Some people have raised the fact that the main hero is a woman.  Is that really much to brag about for a movie in 2013?  Not really a Brave stance, and it ignores the fact that the princess still needs help from the ice merchant.

We are signaled beforehand that Hans is not all he seems to be.  First, there are those mutton chops.  What Disney hero has a physical trait like that?  Once the ice merchant comes into the picture, it is clear that either Disney will uncharacteristically present a love triangle, or Hans will be exposed as a fraud.  And of course Disney took the easy way out.  After all, you can never have too many villains.

The songs are weak.  Typical Broadway schlock.  The music is forgettable, and the lyrics are bland.  There might have only been ten songs, but it sure felt like more.  Anyone who likes these songs must have really low standards for what is good in a musical.

Unfortunately the success of Frozen means that we will have more animated mediocrity in the future.  Notice that while recent Pixar and Dreamworks films have diminished in quality, other studios are taking advantage of the void, and Disney branded films are now creeping back into the dominant position.  It is a sad state of affairs for animation.